Before I leave a message on here for my Dad, I would like to thank everyone for all their wonderful words of comfort and support. There is nothing I can say or do which would show my gratitude to you all at this time. I would also like to thank the creators of this website, I believe with Dads friends and family all over the world, this is a fantastic avenue for people to leave messages and interact with us, the family at this time. Dad Well....We never saw this coming did we?! We had our chats, we always knew when to have them and when we did, we always said exactly how we felt. Looking back over the last few years, I realised just how ill you have been, did it stop you? Did you stop work? Did you stop sailing? Stop going to Spurs or the Orient?!. . . No. Of course it didn’t, that wasn’t you. As everyone is fully aware you had a real passion for Sailing. It was your job, your weekends, your Wednesday evenings, your bank holidays in the Medway or even just one night after work giving whatever boat you had at the time a paint or a brush down!! I am pretty sure if you had any regrets, me not being completely ‘compelled’ by sailing would be one of them. I am glad I told you many times in your life, but just for old times’ sake I shall tell you again. Sailing is simply boring and I don’t enjoy it! (I would like to point out it was not because of my inability to stand up on a boat even when it was in the Harbour! Or my complete lack of knowledge when it came to sails, knots or ‘When to tack’!) Sorry Big Man. . . My opinion will never change! I grew up with a strong passion for Football and Tottenham Hotspur, something I inherited straight from you. I remember my first game; we sat in the sun in the Lower East Stand at The Lane and watched Vinnie Samways score in ‘a classic’ against QPR. A match I did not pay much attention to as I was more interested in seeing the game from the burger bar! Our last, being a 4-0 win over ‘Boro. The best? We had a few, but for me the 4-4 at Arsenal this season will stick out for me, I spent the day with you at Tottenham from buying my scarf in the shop all the way up to hugging you when Aaron Lennon scored that 94th minute equaliser. Growing up I played alot of football, something that no matter what you had on, you found time to support me 110%, coming to most of my games and offering ‘encouraging’ words straight after the final whistle. Something my teenage attitude sometimes found hard to take!. . . I made sure I informed you in true ‘Kevin the Teenager “it’s not fair!” style. I am pretty sure you knew I was taking everything you was telling me in, and not only that I was using your support in making my game better. We became a strong footballing unit! The Park Side!! Which would’ve been nothing if it wasn’t for our linesman, famously taking ‘no crap’ from Parents on opposite sides who aired their opinion your way. Your threats of sticking a flag where the sun does not shine to one particular passionate ‘fan’ will go down in football folklore. Sporting Shenfield, 2003 County Cup Winners was a team which began all because of years of hard work on your part. Something which was overshadowed in the last few years of the team. The final in which I saved two penalties and scored the winner (sorry had to mention it!) of the county cup final was a great moment for all, something I thank you for hugely. Holland? The Hurricane? When all the other parents were safe and dry under the stand, you braved the 120mph winds to hold your flag and ‘do the line’ a example of your kindness and passion to please! After a somewhat dreadful attempt on my part on becoming a footballer, I took on the wise words of Mother and pursued a career as a Police Officer. Little did we know the demand surrounding that particular career path was (and still is) quite immense! Did this stop us and you from making something out of me? Of course not, you drove me down to Olympia in London to ‘that’ job fair. After a drive into London (and the same points and stories towards buildings and parts of your youth that I had heard 20 times before but never got bored of hearing) we arrived at Olympia and joined the queue for the Police Job Stand.....Only to be told the queue started much further away from where we attempted to join! Little did we know that this was the beginning of my adult life, something I am so proud to say was done with you. Following the job fair I received an application form. Something in classic ‘James’ style I left until the night before it could be posted for completion. You awoke the next morning to read through my form.....suggesting it was not worthy of sending in. Due to lack of sleep and grumpiness at working in a terrible Sports Shop, I informed you to just send it in anyway. . . would not do any harm. The only thing further I shall remind you in this story Father ....Only 3% of people who apply, get an A grade for the application process. Thank you for sending it in. Few months later, a day before my 20th Year celebrations I was in Hendon, nervous, anxious worried about being somewhere without having you to come home to and talk to every night, even if all you did was fall asleep listening. Little did I know who was being affected most by me being away from home for 15weeks, Mum? The constant worrier who after 5 years of driving still tells me to be careful on the roads, and who if I am on a night out tells me to be careful (.....I am a Policeman!) Steve? No. You. Ringing home asking Mum how she is coping with her little boy being away from home..”Oh I am fine James, it’s your Father, he is a wreck, can’t stand you not being around”. Something which surprised me but didn’t shock me, we had a closeness that was by no means classic, something which you could relate to twins, a ‘sixth sense’ a sense of feeling the pain of the other, a sense of knowing when that other person was not nearby. The days soon past and turned into Months and before we knew it I was passing out of Hendon after finishing my training. A day I shall never forget. Mum lost weight, you had lost weight without even trying through your pining for me (I know I know, you won’t admit it! You missed me I could tell!!) And you turned up to see me make a fool of myself marching and listening to my now ex-boss speak of how many people attempted to get through into the world of Policing London. I was just so pleased you were there to see me become the Man I am now. As time went on it became clear you did not feel well, you complained of many aches and pains, but the one thing if anyone else will read this that people should take on, it didn’t stop you. You continued to do all the things you loved, spending time with your loved ones and of course spending time with your family (loved ones being your boats). You continued to walk your beloved Dog, and even up until your last days you continued to ask “How’s Doggy?” March 2009 and we received the terrible news that you had cancer. Something that was a complete shock to everyone. You however, remained strong, it takes a strong person to stay positive in circumstances like that, and I didn’t expect anything less from you. No one could’ve imagined the horrifically short time we had left with you, which makes this whole situation even worse. You remained strong, all the way up to your final sleep. No words, texts, emails, message boards can ever fully describe the impact you have had on my life and how unbelievably proud I am to call you my Father. Your passing has upset me on levels which no one should ever have to comprehend. These things drive me to raise money for charities and research so cancer and the pain you went through can be prevented for others and their families, something I know you would want, but most of all would make you proud. From now on I will have good days and my fair share of bad, I know you will be there looking over me. Smiling, crying and laughing with me along my path. No words can describe how sad it makes me knowing that you will not be there the day I marry. You will not be there to witness the birth of your Grandchildren, these things I will go through without you. It is these things that make me realise just how unfair life can be. You made me the man I am today and for that I thank you. I know you will be watching down on all these events keeping an eye out for me. I will take deep pleasure in telling my kids how great their Grandad was. No matter how many times I have to tell them! I might even try and see if they like sailing. . . .I can see how that will go . . . I will look after Mum as I am sure you would ask me to do! We will get strong once again but it will never ever be the same. I love you forever Your Son James x